Side Salad

Star Spangled Banter

As some of you no doubt know, I went to America recently. More specificly, Carmel, Indiana; home away from home of Alex, or subbes as you may know her.

The usual mix of nervous excitement at the approaching holiday and worry that you've left the gas on or forgot to mow the cat and put the lawn out were mixed in equal measure with tiredness. Knowing I had to get up at 3am the next morning didn't help either.

The prospect of a 24 hour journey is both good and bad. On the one hand it makes you more tired than the average 18 wheeler (or is that tyred? I never know) but the excitement of the trip ahead, the company and figuring out how all the technology you use along the way works keeps you going. (Well, that last one is a personal thing - engineers think just that little bit differently to everyone else [which is why we prefer Apple Macs].)

The trip there was easy enough - the ultra efficient and organised Alex made sure we got on all the right buses, planes, lifts, escalators and talked to all the right people. As a consequence I didn't end up giving my passport to a suspicious looking, mustached, turkish bloke with a lazy eye. She maintains that she's halfway between clock watcher and "oh, I'll catch the next one". Fortunately, she chose to swing the way of clock watcher for our trip. This probably explains why we weren't ambushed by several mafioso alarm clocks on the orders of a godfather clock.

The plane was great - an Airbus A340 with personal screens and a bit more legroom than the average shoebox. The "premium economy" passengers just in front of us got bigger seats and a couple of extra peanuts and the Upeer Class passengers were curtained off from cattle class so I couldn't see what sort of four poster beds they had in there. The food was pretty good but my natural student instinct to "borrow" the plastic cup to add to my crockery collection was beaten by the air hostess' speedy clearing up.

Arrival brings fresh worries like a postman with ticking parcel. Am I going to get admitted to the States? Do they let lazy students in? If I get in what happens if Alex's parents take one look and abandon me in Chicago? What if someone sits in my chair while I'm away? As with all my worries, they were based squarly in the paranoia section of Conspiracy Monthly. Immigration waved me through and Alex's parents were very welcoming. I got on very well with them for the whole two weeks, they're pretty fantastic. The jigsaw is complete with Suzie, a biology teacher from Faringdon who was also staying, and cunningly, I got on very well with her too. Things look good for the holiday.

America has pros and cons, one of the major topics of discussion on our frequent car journeys. One of the major cons is the road system. Any country that favours football pitch-sized intersections rather than roundabouts and who sets 40mph speed limits on roads so straight you'd swear the Romans built them has got to be a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.

The house was on the corner of a very picturesque street, and was as nice outside as it was in. The presence of two "lay-z-boy" chairs was a good sight (for those that don't know, these are the chairs that Joey and Chandler have in Friends). Other features of note were the gigantic sunflowers, melons and tomato plants in the garden, plus the very comfortable hammock. Inside were the lay-z-boy chairs, the fridge, with on demand ice dispenser and the air conditioning. It took me a week to figure out the intricate mechanics of the whole system - but it was very effective at turning "steamy bathroom with the windows closed" exterior conditions into a "nice cool house" environment. The thing is not to think of it as an air cooler, but an air heater - as this is essentailly what it's doing. It's a heat exchange system in an air/refrigerant/air configuration, the only reason it works is the movement of air at the end stage - both the air inside the house and the coolant are recycled endlessly, in stages between hot and cold. The air outside is drawn in, heated and blown away and this is the only part of the AC system you can see - the big cuboidal radiator thing on the side of the house with a big fan inset (except for the intake and output vents inside the house). Anyway, I'm sure you didn't want to know all that.

Alas, it all came to an end far too quickly for my liking, and no sooner was I getting used to life in the sun (with the occasional town-destroying thunderstorm), I had to head back. What can I say - it was fantastic.

I had mixed feelings on the drive back to Chicago. It was a wonderfully hot summer day (90°F) and the "buffalo are just cows with big heads" quote will stick in my mind for a long time. Alex has just sent me a picture taken, buy Suzie, while we were asleep on the way there - it's pretty scary actually. I might put it up on the site at some point - but don't hold your breath! O'Hare airport was just as I remembered it when I first arrived. You know you haven't spent long enough in a place if the airport you arrive and leave by has an eerie familarity. Saying goodbye to Alex at check in was quite tough and we eventually settled on a hug and an extended wave. My attempts to fit her into my already full hand luggage failed and I had to say goodbye. Or at least au revoir, since Im definately going out there again even though I locked Kipper in the conservatory during a thunderstorm*, dineros permitting, since Alex is a pretty good great person to be around. I also like the weather and the pool.... *ahem*

I distracted myself from my reluctance to leave on the trip home by watching a couple of films on the plane. American Psycho wasn't quite as violent as the book - although there was an audiable "no!" from all the people on the plane watching at the time at the cat scene which made me smile. I felt a bit guilty watching it since there was a young child sitting just across the aisle from me who I was sure I was corrupting with the pictures on screen. His younger sister decided to scream her lungs out for half an hour later on in the flight so I ceased to feel so bad about it after that *ahem*. The Whole Nine Yards (that Bruce Willis/Matthew Perry thing) was funnier than I thought it would be. A fair few obvious clichés and a couple of "yeah, right!" moments to match the mine cart scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom - you all remember that one don't you folks. Aside from that, it was pretty good. I also bought a copy of FHM to read on the bus back to the Midlands - mainly for the big picture of Sarah Michelle Gellar on the front, although I much prefer Alyson Hannigan, but after 20 hours with no sleep your eyes can't really focus anyway. I read most of it at Heathrow bus station since I had to wait 4 hours for the bus. Once it arrived though I promptly fell asleep on the back seat, which I had all to myself, to be awakened by an un-necessarily bumpy speed bump at East Midlands Airport (and an extremely bright sun - although this was probably just my eyes, having spent 20 hours in dusky conditions).

With the obligatory distribution of "exotic" presents to the family when I got home, complete, normal life was resumed with a little sigh. My sister loves the Tigger backpack btw, and my brother is now the proud owner of some furry dice for the car that he'll never be able to afford to buy, let alone insure. They'll have to wait a bit for their cookie dough though, since it's still taking up valuable real estate in Alex's fridge. I knew I'd forget something. Never mind, I can collect it next year - although it might be somewhat more furry by then...

*not intentional of course, and relations between cat and joe are back to "amicable", although this has yet to be confirmed in writing by Kipper